I Lost That War

I disappeared off the planet and spent the past week or so being a band-aid on the Jimmy Robbins East Coast Tour with Chase Coy. I allowed myself to go with the flow and it made sense to help heal my wounds from the pilot season grind. I’ve been curious about touring and dipping my toes in the waters of it, I found myself exactly where I was supposed to be. It happened quite naturally being picked up in NY and continuing on the last leg with him. I’m really glad I made the choice to go… It brought to the surface a lot of feelings I didn’t know I had, as well as reminding me of how badly I want to tour myself.

Auditioning in LA and waiting for Canadian radio to play my single “Boogie Love” was a targeted decision that wasn’t the most soul fulfilling or musically fulfilling way to start the year, to say the least. The music video was a fun experience, but the focus so subtly gets shifted from engagement with the audience that you forget what you’re doing or trying to achieve in the first place. Though, there was a coherent plan set it place, it was a plan that was completely out of my control from the beginning. “Please like my music, please play my music”. This sounds crazy to write, because it’s about the farthest away from my reasons for writing as it gets. Long and short, for me to get the funding to go on tour in Canada or in the US I needed some steam either from radio, or from song placements in commercials and/or films – hence the remix album “Voodoo Reloaded.” This seemed do-able and I was onboard completely. Yet, both of these options don’t seem to be in my cards at the moment, but does this really surprise me? You have to play ball, and I want to play ball, but where’s the line between playing the game and keeping your integrity? To be honest, I’ve never really made it easy on myself musically. I enjoy quirky, different music far too much to change and I don’t listen to top 40 radio these days. Knowing this, why haven’t I gone on tour myself yet? Why have I been waiting for something to kick-start it?

I believe this is because of some huge close calls and luck on my side at a very young age. My expectations became greater than most artists due to entering the major label world so soon in my career and I became really great at “The Waiting Game”. I also built a fan base different than most musicians having Instant Star in my back pocket. Had I not been the lead of a series, I’d have made my steps by engaging and playing for my fans, instead of waiting for things to happen on the radio end. There are no regrets, just a clearer view. Life takes you down some winding roads.

I was humbled and blown away at how many of my fans came out to Jimmy’s shows based on a tweet I posted. I was asked a few times if I was going to tour myself but most of the questions were along the lines of “is everything OK”, and “have I been doing anything since the Voodoo album?” I’m going to be real with you. This felt like someone kicking me in the stomach. I’ve been doing everything I can to get Voodoo out there – everything but the absolute most important thing. Performing the songs for my soul and performing the songs for my fans.

I used to think I’d earned my badges and things should have been happening easier for me on the music end considering how much I’ve put into it. But after being witness to Jimmy’s little acoustic tour that could, I see how much it takes to build an audience that wants to hear your music. An audience that will actually show up to see you play.

This is what I love about indie. This is a grass roots. This is earning your audience by their personal choice one at a time.
This is authentic and this is where my soul felt completely on fire.

I’ve been writing a lot this past year and Jimmy and I wrote a few of the songs he chose to play. One being, “I Lost That War”. He’d asked me to come up on stage and sing with him… my instinct was immediately yes, but something made me feel sad at the same time. It’s hard to believe it could have actually been ego… but maybe it was buying into an idea of myself that’s not realistic. Believing an idea that was created by the major label industry or the damage of keeping myself in hibernation this past while because I was going to “explode on the radio.” Whatever it is or was, it’s dying and leaving room for some light to shine through and share what I feel inside. So I joined him on stage. I find the lyrics quite fitting.

Live @ Croc Rock, Allentown, Pennsylvania.

I Lost That War
(Jimmy Robbins/Alexz Johnson)

I’m running around
Think my foots on the ground
But I can’t get it out of my head
I’ve brought my sword
Of this I’m sure
I’ll use it on myself instead

And it’s all fine
I know I’m blind
I feel my heads in a different time
Days too dark
Nights too bright
I think I’m wrong when I know I’m right

Never knew I’d love so much
Never thought my heart could crush
I lost that war
I lost that war

I left my armour back at home
Coming back with broken bones
I lost that war
I lost that war

I thought that love
Was just a bus
Waiting for your damn stop to come up
Then you’re out in the cold
You feel so old
It left you there
And it stole your coat
But it’s all fine
I know I’m blind
Trusted you with my heart one time
Days are long
Nights are pain
Now I’m back in that bus in the rain

Never knew I’d love so much
Never thought my heart could crush
I lost that war
I lost that war

I left my armour back at home
Coming back with broken bones
I lost that war
I lost that war

Wanna take my pages read them through so you can see
All my words and darkness they don’t leave no room to breath
Heartbreak’s contagious loves become my enemy
You think you can change it, but the war is changing me

Chorus x 2

Every experience is a gift and happens for a reason. No matter how big or small, we are reminded that we are the captains of our ship.

This is a gift in itself.

69 responses

  1. I Lost That War is a beautiful song, you two did amazing. You’re right, the song kinda fits, from what you have written. I wish you all the best and know, where ever you go, we (your fans) will be there.

    Much Love <3

  2. I can kind of see where you’re coming from with that though I don’t have a relatable experience. I have friends back home in Louisiana that I think fell into the “wait and see” trap just waiting for their lives to get started. At some point they’ll see they haven’t done anything in years and want that time back.

    I definitely would see you on tour. I’m sure you have some strong and loyal fans who’d go to great lengths to see you perform. People came as far as 8 hours away last summer JUST to see you at The Live Green Festival last year. I think interest is definitely there.

    You definitely have to go and do what makes you feel alive, what sets your soul on fire. It’s hard to find fulfillment any other way. When you’re not doing it you’ll want to be. Maybe things haven’t been going according to plan or as fast or suddenly as they feel like they should, but the ball is still rolling and things you’ve set in motion long ago are starting to see fruition. Keep working on it. You definitely want it and think about it every day. With your drive and fire it’s going to be difficult for the univese to do anything but get out of your way.

  3. I met you through Instant Star and I know your much different from your character and all I can say is I like you better, you the Alexz that decided to do what she wanted and is willing to move on from all that Hollywood nonsense. Your music is amazing, you make me believe in my generation through your lyrics (which is really hard these days) and many musicians that are on billboard right now with their autotunes and cheap choruses wish to have your voice.
    I’m so excited for Voodoo Reloaded :)

  4. I know that “Lost That War” means a lot to you and when people first saw this video, I’m sure that they all took the initiative to tell you how beautiful the song is and what it means to every single of them. You’re better than what they’re playing on the radio and I’m most glad that your music continues to inspire me and the thousands of fans you have in the world. I know that good things will happen for you and I continue to pray that people realize just how special you and your art are. Sending only the best vibes your way!

    God Bless,

  5. Wow…beautiful song! I love u! I want u to know that no matter what happens with this record or what happens in the future I will be ur fan forever and always. through rough times and hard climbs i’m always there. because no matter what u will forever be my idol and rolemodel, not only as a musician but also as a person. I love you! please don’t ever change, because ur perfect just the way u r! no matter what every one thinks dont chage! thank so much, for not giving up in ur music and in yourself, i very much admire u for that! U give me hope!

  6. Alexz:
    Lost that war it’s a beautiful song :)
    you have shown us so much you have teached us that we can reach things that seems unreachable, you will always be a true artist and whatever you decide to do
    we have your back

    keep on making beautiful music and try not to be so hard on yourself
    you are amazing and personally i have never heard a better artist we will help u with voodoo we will always be here

    I’m from chile and ur music has gotten to me and thanks to your music I have friends all over the world
    you are destined for bigger things

    and no worries as said before we will always be here!

    irene ortega


  7. Do whatever your heart tells you to do, take that risk because you have so much support all over the world. Play the music that makes you and so many fans happy, reach the ones that haven’t had the privilege to hear you yet. Don’t wait around because with your songs, ambition and heart combined you have the power to change lives, I don’t doubt you have already changed some already including my own.

    Know that whatever path you choose to take, you have so many people willing to follow you. I know that one day when you tour England, (I know you will!) I’ll be there, front row singing along with every word.
    Take care

  8. I’ll be honest, I didn’t like Instant Star much as a show – I’ve never been into that genre of entertainment. But I did watch it. A lot. Just because I wanted to hear you sing. And then I heard Voodoo and it just fits my taste perfectly – it’s beautiful and true and honest and I really love that.

    As for if you’ve done anything since Voodoo — from your tweets, I think you’ve done a lot. Voodoo hasn’t even been out that long, so people seem really impatient to me when they ask what you’ve done since.

    I know that personally, I’d love to see you live. But I also know that it’s highly unlikely that I will, at least in the near future. I live in Norway — it’s halfway across the world — and I miss out on a lot of great live shows as a result. London is where it’s at, once artists go to Europe. However, if you did go to London (or any other major European city) I would most likely travel there to see you. I know it’s hard to book shows as an indie artist and I’d love to be there to support you. :)

    As for the song, it’s really beautiful. Your voices go well together and the lyrics are great. Thank you for sharing your talent with the world.

    PS: Sorry that this comment turned out really long. I tend to do that. XD

  9. I don’t think you’ve lost any war if you’ve learnt from the experience, and I think you have. What you don’t realize though is how much reach you’ve actually had with your music. What I mean is, I am, for example, from Argentina, and I remember watching MTV here (which is the channel where Instant Star used to air) and I didn’t fall in love with the show or the characters at first. I fell in love with “Skin”, with your voice, with your music.

    I remember after Instant Star I was desperately looking for demos of your songs, and how much I loved every single one of them I could get, because I NEEDED new Alexz Johnson music in my life. And then the Epic album was supposed to come out, and you couldn’t get the songs and all that, and it broke my heart; until Voodoo came out and fixed it.

    Now we are all just waiting for something new, that comes out from you (not remixes). And as far as I am concerned, I know that when whatever it is comes out I’ll still be waiting. No radio play or lead role in a TV show will give you the incredibly loyal fan base you have, because that’s all you.

  10. Beautiful song! I love it! It has been stuck in my head ever since I first heard it a few days ago, and I don’t even know the words very well yet. Keep up with the great work!


  11. You’ve met me (even if it was only a few min) so you know I’m not a wordy person (not a talker rather a doer)…therefore be warned my writing is all over the place :)..Just know that whatever you do, the people that truly believe in you and your gift will be there for you “forever” (whatever forever is).
    I know you’ve heard it a million times and you might be tired of hearing it, but I believe w/ all my heart and soul that your time will come…It will come with such a force you don’t know what hit you. Life is a learning curve, with each bad experience we grow stronger (maybe one day you can use your experience to help other artists that go though the same thing), each good experience encourages us and builds us back up…You are one of few artists that don’t fall in the trap of society and sing songs that is not them, they just record them to make others happy. You write and sing what comes from your heart, what is true and reflects you, you don’t do it for money but to touch people. Your songs make people feel, even if its a quirky and fun song such as boogie love! I admire that about you, and that was what pulls me in every time I hear you sing or even just read something you wrote. You put so much into what you do! When I saw u perform live, all I thought was, this girl is it, this is what she was born to do. She was born to be out there and sing her heart out, you have so much energy when you perform, people can’t help but be pulled in…I think to get your music truly out there,you gotta step out of you comfort zone and maybe upload some acoustic music videos on your blog or website from time to time so non IS fans get to know you too :D and IS “obsessed” people will see what YOU are made of! Could be covers of songs that speak to you or even songs you wrote and know that won’t be recorded for a while
    Anyway I wish you all the best…you gonna have me on your back for a long time to come (this is a warning lol)
    Take care
    Much love <3

  12. Alexz I think you should keep on doing what your heart tells you to do. I love the way your music is, I find that because your music seems to really speak to my soul. I know things might get difficult but just keep pushing on, do everything you can to get your music out there because so many people need to hear what you have to sing.
    You’ve really inspired me because I want to be doing exactly what your doing!
    I love the root of not doing it just because of money and fame of hollywood, but because your soul really loves music. And if I ever get heard, I hope my fans would think the same of me, loving the music for it is not because everyone else listens to it.

    I hope you get everything you want and more
    Love Jess
    P.S I’ve been really obsessed with singing the song Mary. Probably because it reminds me of me sometimes.

  13. Alexz,

    I kind of get what you’re saying when you say “playing the wait and see game”. I’ve had a life long dream to be a published author (and I’m barely 23). My best friend and I co-wrote, what we believe to be, an amazing novel that would be different from a lot of the sci-fi young adult things out there. We both have a following having written fanfiction for years and have both been commended for our drama and story telling. Granted, we’re both not english majors and the novel is probably flawed in some grammatical ways, but it’s great – plotwise – and we both have so many ideas and the passion that goes along with being a great writer. Anyway, point is, we finished the novel. We started querying publishers and agents two years ago and got rejection after rejection. We finally just…gave up. At one point, I even felt like maybe I wasn’t as good as I thought I was and even “walked away” from fanfiction writing believing I was a crappy writer. Anyway, we’re actually now looking into self-publishing in the e-book market once we can find a decent editor to rip apart our little gem. We might not be best sellers on the New York Times, but it’ll make us both happy to finally say “I did it” and to get the work out there. Maybe 5 people will read it. Maybe no one will and those high and mighty publishers and agents knew what they were saying when they mailed back the form-letter rejections, but we’ll have done it and it’ll be ours. I do have to say though, you ever perform anywhere in a decent driving distance from Detroit, I’m so there. I was so disappointed I had to miss your performance in Toronto this summer, but I didn’t find out about it fast enough to try and take a couple vacation days at work to make the drive up. Keep us fans posted on any potential showings. I’ve loved your voice and your talent since Disney’s “So Weird” and I even gave up watching the show until I saw the “Til Your Watching Over Me”‘s music video they aired during commercial breaks of other shows. That song touched me and actually got me watching So Weird again. It was that song and your amazing talent that got me watching Instant Star – even though I thought the first season was extremely cheesey in the first couple episodes. I think you could sing the phonebook and I’d pay to listen to it. Don’t give up on your dream Alexz. It may be a different dream than you thought, but in the end, you have to do what makes you happy.

  14. What a beautiful song! Great performance, your voices blend beautifully. You could find your own path outside the decaying commercial music industry, that’s admirable. Can’t find the words to thank you for your music!

  15. Alexz,
    You’ve always been more than a singer/songerwriter to me. You’ve always been a beautiful angel who changes peoples lives and helps them hold on. Your not an artist, your a gift to your fans; a healer. You have to do the things that make you happy, the things that set your heart in the right place. Your fans will be there every step of the way reaching out to you as you’ve reached out to us! You are the reason most of us listen to music today. The songs on the radio today are all the same, your music is a piece of the puzzle your fans are trying to put back together in their own lives. I wake up each day and play your music. It helps prepare me for each day. If you haven’t struggled to get your prize, then it’s not a prize, it’s a freebee. Alexz, I know great things are heading your way, we all do. You’re gonna do great and all the while enjoy everyday as you follow your needs. You are a true blessing and by giving your music to the world, the world is gonna give you something so special back.
    Let me tell you something, before I heard your music, I was giving up on everything. I probably wouldn’t even be here today but your music was like the unspoken words I couldn’t say to help me move on. The words I needed to say to release the pain inside. Your music is my life, the reason I hold on. You are the truest person I’ve ever met and just the look you gave when I met you was enough to make me see that. You truely love your music and your fans and that’s why the ones that are here now, will forever be on your side! We love you as a person, not an artist. You give your gift to us and we will be forever thankful. You get the gift of the happy smiling faces of your fans. Remember when you cry and hurt, we cry and hurt! Hold on Alexz, You’re going to be great, we believe in you!! :)

  16. I more than ever! I know I do not regret the day I became his fan. Sometimes I always say to my friends that you never sold music, never sold his soul to the FAME (Music for me is the inner soul of someone) you really love music. You help me in difficult days, I hear his music and think “Give step by step” but actually did not get all what we deserve, but I believe you receive, you can not give up!
    Alexz dear, never let you block out the fear of playing, lift your head! and hold hope.

    I bought your cd VOODOO, and I believe he will go far. I’m laughing even when I remember buying. I live in Brazil, and all it takes to get here … I paid and waited 3 months to arrive! Never in my life I’ve waited so a cd, I listened to their music through the computer and pray to get my CD soon, and when he arrived I was so happy that it looked like I had won the lottery.
    Then just as I expected her cd comes, I’ll wait a day to be on a show yours! preferably here in Brazil *-* So do not give up! do this for the fans.
    I love you ♥

    And I’m very anxious to Vodoo Reloaded.

  17. that song have just made me cry … it really touch my soul <3

    do you know what ,,, i dont have that lot of money, somethimes i dont even have what to eat,, but if you were the enough closer to sonora mexico in a tour, i dont know from where i was taking to money, id probably sell all my clothes and shoes to come to see you, because your music really shudder me.
    if they ask me , "who is your fav singer?" i dont even need to think because is definitely ALEXZ JOHNSON,, and they dont need to aks because all around knows it.

    i feel glad to read about what you think… i love to know you more <3

  18. I always thought it strange, that you haven’t made (like homemade, in your living room) acoustic performances to share with fans. Only because it seems to be a way that most indie artists connect to their fans. This is my way of saying, please do it! (Of course, if you have time and are willing.) There was an artist I started listening to a couple of years ago, who got tired of (and ran out of money for) tours, so she did a virtual tour online with youtube videos, and if she never had, I wouldn’t have heard her songs otherwise. I’m grateful for it. I really believe there’s no better connection to people than the internet; it’s how I’ve come to know most of the new bands I listen to. And I truly believe your fans would love to hear more of you.

    I’ve always kept up with your music because of your unique songwriting voice. In particular, your songs “Gonna Get It”, “Mary”, “Chicago” and “Swallowed” are ones I listen to when I need some encouragement for my ‘failed’ life so far. It’s hard to be hopeful waiting for one’s ‘time’ to come, and reading about your struggle reminds me that you or I am not alone. Us fans believe in your music and whether you perform in a big venue or open mic night or online, we’ll be there listening and supporting your art.

  19. That is a beautiful song! It’s always do frustrating to me (and I’m sure you too!) that the world doesn’t know about your music. You’re such a talented artist but because you’re not a mainstream pop singer with overly computer synthesized songs, not as many people know about your music. I really hope you get to go on tour, I would be thrilled to come see you live, I’ve been listening to your music since you were on So Weird and it’s a dream of mine. I love your music and I hope things go well with the album and all your future projects! :)

    Check out my blog: Principessa Gabriella

  20. I’ve come to realize it’s always during times of rejection that we full that push inside of us to go further to our fullest potential. I remember being a little kid and seeing you on Disney’s So Weird and you instantly caught my attention. Of course a few years went by and I was alerted by my sister that you were on a commercial on The-N. I gave your show Instant Star a chance and while I thought it was so cheesy, your acting and presence kept me tuning in. I’ll never forget the first time I heard Skin and that song pretty much changed my life. I wanted to know who Alexz Johnson was and pick at her brain a little. I remember reading interviews with you and how you loved Fleetwood Mac, Stevie Knicks, Kate Bush, The Police etc., and I went to look all them up. Those artists opened up so many doors into my life through music & lyrics that changed the way I looked at the world and even brought me some of the friends I’ve made today. It’s funny reading this blog too because looking at the comments people are talking like you too such as “sending vibes” and “wicked!” which is great. It just goes to show that you leave a strong impression on people and inspire them.

    When you were signed with Epic, I remembered thinking this girl is going to be huge one day. When I first heard the Shianne demo, I instantly got what you were doing with your music and I loved it. I haven’t stopped supporting you since then. Of course when Voodoo came out it definitely was a gift (it leaked out on my birthday!) and still till this day I am confused as to how it hasn’t clicked with some people. But I have faith that with the right person many doors will open up. I think a few people are harsh on Voodoo as well because of the fact that we waited so long for the Epic album and never got it, but much of that was out of your control.

    I too lost my own war. I was in denial for a long time that I would pursue a career as a lawyer even if it seemed like the farthest thing I’d ever do. But somehow I kept going over your lyrics and interviews, and theres something so modest and humble about you and how you handle your career that sometimes it’s true, everything you need is in your own backyard. And this outlook changed my perspective on everything, now I’m embarking on a career to becoming a teacher which I believe will make me more happy, even if the money isn’t that great. Sometimes the money does get in the way.

    When you say “I lost that war” I understand that the war you have lost is with the war of your art and it getting into the wrong hands. And thats okay because I feel like this year your growing immensely as an indie artist. It’s much better you didn’t book a pilot because I like Alexz Johnson. I was never fond of the idea of seeing you tied to a TV character. Your time will come, it’s just not here yet.

    As people have suggested – you should definitely do some covers of some good indie songs out there right now. I could see you doing a cover of Arcade Fire – Sprawl II or even a Sara Barellis song. What better way to make new fans by doing a cover? The idea of you coming out with a 4 or 5 song EP at the end of the summer is also a great idea, even if it’s just you and your guitar.

    I will continue to support your music because I believe in you as an artist. Although Boogie Love wasn’t a great choice for a single, like you said your making your mistakes and owning them. The only place you can go from here is up – even if it’s baby steps.

  21. Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
    Harriet Tubman

    I thought of this blog post and you as soon as I saw this quote. You make so many people happy by just smiling. Your music has influenced all of us and we love YOU Alexz, Just you!! You are a true blessing on this earth, some just haven’t realized it yet. You changed my life and touched my soul. You will forever have a place in my heart. I’ve lost a lot of things and given up, but when I read about you and see the things you have struggled with I realize you can’t give up. Your music is your passion, your life and it touches others lives. That’s a true blessing and talent to have. You should be so proud of yourself. We see you as an angel here on earth. You’ve made beautiful music that will forever be in my heart, just like you. Thanks so much for everything Alexz! I may not have any money and no place to call home but your music shows me there’s promise of a better tomorrow. No other artist has shown me that, no body but you Alexz. Keep your head up, God’s not done with you yet! I hope one day you finally read my story and see how you’ve changed my life and touched my soul! If you tour here in VA, I’ll be there no matter what. I’ll sell everything I own just to be there! If there’s anything I can do for you, whatever it is, let me know. My twitter is aljohnsonfan99. I love you Alexz, thanks for the autograph and picture. I’ll always be your fan, even if you didn’t sing anymore…which will never happen! :) I’ll be here no matter what, you’ve got my word!! <3

  22. Hello Alexz! I’m from Merida Yucatan Mexico and it has very little time I met you for the show of Instant Star and let me tell you that since I saw you there I knew you were a great artist and not just by the fact Act there if not for the great voice you have. From that series, I started to look for anything that has to do with you: information, images, videos, and above all your music.

    With regard to the music I started to look for all the soundtracks of Instant Star that I liked so much, but when I found out on the internet that you had released as soloist, that I thought was great and more when I heard your album debut Voodoo that is great and by the way let me tell you that now that I write you these words, I’m listening it to inspire me, because that is what you really are, you’re a great inspiration not only for me but for everyone that follows you around the world, your music has made me see life in a different way and makes me be a better person every day. I am not saying that I will be at your concerts or somewhere where you present, because I have not really means to do so, but let me tell you that I’ll be always supporting everything you do and I will always be your fan.

    Thank you very much for your music, for all that you do to help others and especially for being so close to your fans for this type of media, like any other artist does, or at least I don’t know some other artist to do so as you. Never forget that your humility is what makes you different from everyone else and never let you defeat by nothing and no one, remember that “what does not kill you, makes you stronger”. I wish you the best of the best.

    PS: I hope that you’ve seen the drawing I made for you from a picture that I saw on the internet, yet I am not an expert but that I am trying to XD ja ja ja! This is a clear example that you are pure inspiration, I have already published the drawing to your Facebook and your Twitter. Here I leave my twitter address http://www.twitter.com/joackoshinoda if one day you could tell me what you think about the drawing, it would mean much to me.
    Greetings and good vibes!!!

    Joaquin (Joacko)

  23. Alexz this just reminds me again why I love your music. I’ve never really met you, but I want you to know that no matter what I’ll always support you anyway I can.

  24. Dear Alexz,

    Your fans are the most loyal fans ever. I am so proud to be a part of this. Everything you do is magical, you bring so much beauty and grace to whatever you do, whether it’s the beautiful songs that you write, or the character you portray in a film or TV show. You have a charm that no-one else has. You are so unique and so wonderful, and I know that very soon, amazing things are going to start happening for you. You deserve to have your gorgeous voice heard, worldwide. You touch so many people with your music; you are a talent that cannot be reckoned with.

    Keep going Alexz, because I know that everything will be right soon, and that people will start to see what an incredible force of nature you are. Stay strong, stay beautiful, stay real, and most of all, stay true to yourself.

    Thank you for everything you do.

    Mia <3

  25. I love your blog; it’s so candid. Thank you so much for keeping it real and clarifying the whole idea behind Voodoo Reloaded. Quite honestly, I had a “WHAT THE HELL???” moment when I heard about the project because “Voodoo” (the original cd) is gold as it is. It’s fire, emotion, eclectic, original, and, thinking about who you are as an artist, it seems to be very Alexz Johnson. But I understand that a gal’s gotta do what she has to do. I can’t wait to hear the redone tracks, though. Just know we support your music. Much love :) REMEMBER! Play music, write music, breathe music for YOU! At the end of the day, you are representing who YOU are with your music.

  26. Hi my dear Alexz,
    I’m writing you from Argentina, so think how important you are !
    I listen your songs all the time, from Instant Star and from your own album “Voodoo”, and I can tell the diference, you are not anymore Jude Harrison, you grew up as an artist, your music is difrent, i think your music is more passionate than Instant Star, ’cause in Voodoo you put your soul and I know, I really know Voodoo fills you with pride, because is yours Johnson! And no matter how hard it seems, I know you can and you have a lots of fans with you. I am one of them and please never give up, because if you do I’ll do it too. Maybe you never read this or maybe yes, no matter, I have faith because I trust in you Alexzandra Spencer Johnson, the answers no matter, the only thing that matters is that you read it and feel it…
    I love you so much Alexz, everything will be allright, and NEVER GIVE UP !
    This is your year ! :)

    With love: Corinne.

  27. I love how honest you are when you update its really refreshing. Have you every considered writing an autobiography. Seems like you understand yourself a lot better than most people your age. I know that you will probably not read this and that is ok. I think your new song is great and I hope you do come on tour. I will be standing in the front row watching you perform, whether I am standing alone or in a room full of thousands.

  28. Hey alexz,
    I’d just like to start off saying how much I love your music and how much I love you as an artist and as a person. However, i really was thrown away when I saw that you decided to remix your album….. I thought the songs were great at first, even if they weren’t radio friendly, and I loved each and every single one. I understand why you did the remix and if its something you love then I’m fine without. But being someone who doesn’t listen to the radio and doesn’t believe in making music for money, I was a bit… disappointed I guess. I don’t like the remix album as much as the original Voodoo, but I’m still buying it when it comes out because I support your cause 100%.
    Continue being the great artist that you are, don’t ever change <3


    • btwwww, I’m from Brazil, look at how many fans you have across the world. You can’t give up alexz, you’re amazing.

  29. AND, im not saying that you remixed it for the money or something!
    i love your music. i really, really, really do. I sing it all the time. I know most of your songs on the guitar.

    You inspire me so much because you make the music that you love with your heart and soul. I read your tweets everyday, i follow your blog and your official website. You’re my biggest inspirations. you know how on facebook you can put “people who inspire you?” youre my first one.

  30. “You think you can change it, but the war is changing me.”
    C’mon, you can do it.

    I’ve been getting you new fans these last couple of days, I’m doing it in a very personal way. Talking to one person at the time, going slow, showing them your songs, your blogs, your pictures and live performances until they slowly come back to me after a couple of days and say, “You know? I’m liking Alexz everyday, more and more…” and my heart fills with joy.

    You’re climbing a rope. If you’re strong, you’ll go up. If you’re weak, you’ll slip. Don’t slip.

  31. I honestly can’t explain how I feel that your journey really in a way parallels my life. I’ve dealt with homosexuality and religion as two constant, deep factors within my existence while growing up. Your music has been a catalyst for me to set it aside an escape in a way… I’m a man now. I have the best job that I can. I’m an actor. I sing. I supervise. I write. I have a boyfriend that I’ve made a two year relationship with… after speaking with my sister today… I truly feel that
    “Never knew I’d love so much
    Never thought my heart could crush
    I lost that war
    I lost that war

    I left my armor back at home
    Coming back with broken bones
    I lost that war
    I lost that war”
    Sometime in life… We just don’t know what to do… so all there is to do… is simply… do.
    Alexz I will always look up to you for your choices. You simply cannot do what doesn’t make you happy. If anything, be true to yourself. Pain is such a fickle feeling. I hope that through it all you can feel love.

  32. I honestly can’t explain how I feel that your journey really in a way parallels my life. I’ve dealt with homosexuality and religion as two constant, deep factors within my existence while growing up. Your music has been a catalyst for me to set it aside and escape in a way… I’m a man now. I have the best job that I can. I’m an actor. I sing. I supervise. I write. I have a boyfriend that I’ve made a two year relationship with… after speaking with my sister today… I truly feel that
    ” I Never knew I’d love so much
    I Never thought my heart could crush
    I lost that war
    I lost that war

    I left my armor back at home
    Coming back with broken bones
    I lost that war
    I lost that war”

    Sometime in life… We just don’t know what to do… so all there is to do… is simply… do.
    Alexz I will always look up to you for your choices. You simply cannot do what doesn’t make you happy. If anything, be true to yourself. Pain is such a fickle feeling. I hope that through it all… you can feel love.

  33. are you really surprised at your recent short comings?
    you treated your fans like shit while you were working on your first album, you wouldn’t do live shows for instant star to help promotion, you never were an active communicator with your fans until your album got shelved, and you have a sense of entitlement because you’ve been on a tv show.

    get over it. waaaaaa waaaaa.
    get your ass out there like every other musician and starting making fucking youtube videos. what you’re above that? you’ve done everything you could to get voodoo out there? B S ALEXZ.

    you said it yourself; you’re not a star. you could have been. but you’re not.

    i hope and pray that you get it together and build a following like everyone else has to.

    and for christ sake, get new management.
    stephen’s idea for boogie love being the single was the worst idea in the world.
    worst idea.

    i wish you well.
    i dont apologize for the reality check, but move on girlfriend.
    MOVE ON.

    • Wow, that’s a little rude and harsh, don’t you think. Alexz has always been super sweet to her fans in my opinion. Though I do think it may be a good idea for her to make videos both for her fans and to get her music out there more. It has worked for other musicians.

      Principessa Gabriella

    • Hope you enjoyed that. Alexz Johnson should continue writing and singing music no matter what you say. Thanks for your two cents, but move your UsedtobeFan self out of here. Alexz Johnson is a person. Simply. This media system is corrupt and stupid. She loves music, not image… by saying what you said, you miss the entire reason that she exists. She helps people. She thinks. She loves. She was born. She loves life… and she writes. She sings what she writes. People SIGN her. “Time and unforeseen occurrence befall us all,” like the Bible says. And like all of us, she falls victim to this fact. Is she trying her best to fulfill her career the way she feels? I BELIEVE, yes. I mean, if someone criticized my career, I’d look like any other person on the planet. And many others can’t even say they’ve had the freedoms I’ve had. I appreciate the life I have, and I’m no star! I enjoy music. I listen and write. I act and record my sound. But it doesn’t make me or anyone else any less of an individual who matters and cares. Nobody has the absolute power to make decisions for others. State something that you have done better, and then you will receive your permit to express your idiotic comment toward a beautiful poet who ONLY expresses herself. Get a life! ‘Nuff SAID. Everything happens for a reason.

      • What people fail to understand is that media/social websites have become the way of the world. Is that stellar and awesome and progressive? HELL NO! But it is what it is. Alexz has made it her mission to not only get her music out to people, but to also do it in her own way. She wants to WIN this war going on between the new poppy “I’m In Love w/ My Guitar” bullshit (I had to do it! lol) and the REAL MUSIC! It’s an arduous task to change the world and she chose the hardest route possible. Was she as communicative as she could’ve been during Voodoo? No. Did the constant album setbacks and date changes lose her some fans? Yeah, it did. But there’s a thin line between letting people in and allowing others to intrude due to a sense of obligation. She did what was right for her and her journey. With her warming up to touring and embracing social media instead of working against it, I think she’ll find a certain freedom that only comes with joining in with the masses for once. I’m DAMN proud that she’s made it thus far, with her sexy self (lol…but, it’s true), and I hope that she succeeds.

        BTW: She did do everything she could to get Voodoo out there, whilst keeping her dignity…

        PS: TO ALEXZ: Radio is NOT the way Alexz! You know that the only people who get airplay are, for the most part, bullshit artists. Do let that keep you down. You’re at a crossroads. You want to be famous and get the music to everyone in the world, but you don’t want to TRULY “play ball” and loosen yourself of a little maturity and a little pride. I don’t mean to sound harsh, truly. But I believe an overdose on pride is holding you back. Be willing to let go for your music. Again, I love you, but some things have to be said :)

    • Seriously… do you have to go out of your way to be a jerk? Why do you make it your job to give a “reality check”? Get a life. K thanks.

    • Ugh excuse yourself!!! Alexz Johnson didn’t treat her fans bad at all! She has always been a genuine musician, one that doesn’t copy all the “so-called” musicians on the radio. AND just because she’s an artist doesn’t mean she has to make youtube videos. You’re remarks are ridiculous! My most favorite thing about Alexz is that she’s not like any other musician in the world. She’s unique, quirky, and beautiful. And if you can’t see that, then you’re blind and narrowminded. If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all. I’m glad she’s being so humble and taking her time to build up her name, that’s what makes a true artist. I better not see you posting here again!!!! jerk >:[

  34. Alexz, I am from Lima, Peru (google it haha), me & some friends have this new year’s resolution: travel together to Canada and see you performed live.

    If you have the power to make this effect on people, don’t stop believing in yourself.

    Please keep doing soulfull music and don’t forget acting, you are amazing and passionate in every character you role.

    A person with your talent is hard to find! you are triple threat: sing, act, and compose, in such much levels greater than many so called “artists” out there.

    Love you and always will, a faithfull fan that always be there for your art.

  35. I can totally relate with this post, people always told me how good I am, how talented I am and that I deserved greatest things, so I just got used to expect for big things to happen, and trust me, I got tangled into the waiting game for years, I let smaller opportunities pass me by because they werent big enough for me, but now I realized that I was just wasting my time, being disappointed when those big things didnt happen, instead of just doing the things I love no matter how small they were, or how people thought they were not great enough to fit my so-called talent!.. now I can not say I am totally out of the game, but I am doing my best to change ( and is so hard to change a way of living), but just by doing a lot of the things I love I feel a lot more happier even if I am still waiting for the big things…

    Thankfully, through the years I learned that I dont believe in fate, I dont believe in religions, I dont believe in anything but love, the power of love is soo huge, when you do something with love, it shows, and people follow.. and let me tell you I feel the love you put on your music and I will follow!! so do whatever your heart tell you to do and dont be afraid, cause if we, the fans, have anything to do with it your will never be alone

    love you (with all the good and all the bad),
    all the way from Panama, Central America

  36. Alexz Johnson,

    This song is very beautiful, very cool and awesome! I liked the lyrics, her voice almost everything wonderful … I’m your fan since a year ago, when I watched “Instant Star” I fell in love with their music and also by Tommy Quincy (Tim Rozon)! HAHAHA
    Let me clarify that each song is simple and keeps getting better!
    Congratulations on everything! XOXO

  37. Hey Alexz, I’m from Argentina and I know you from Instant Star (it’s still on TV here!)
    I love your music so much, and I hope you keep doing the music you love because we love it too.
    Hope Voodoo Reloaded does wonderfully well ’cause it’s an amazing album and I really want you to tour (though I know it will be kinda hard for you to get here, but I still hope it happens)
    Love (:

  38. This is a gift it comes with a price, who is the lamb and who is the knife?
    Midas is king and he holds you so tight and turns you to gold in the sun light.

    No longer can you be a rabbit heart frozen in the headlights but you gotta be a lion heart girl ready for a fight…

  39. I confess that as many started to like after you watch
    instant star and wanted to know more about you. I realized how
    you are talented and I started to follow their work and not
    understand how things can not work out for you with as much
    talent and love for what you do unfortunately live in a world of
    fashion where the important thing is to sell and not making music. Much more
    people rooting for you here in Brazil I am one and if one day you come
    here or I’ll be there for you in the front row
    applauding ……….. I hope you understand my English sucks

  40. “Every experience is a gift and happens for a reason. No matter how big or small, we are reminded that we are the captains of our ship.
    This is a gift in itself.”
    I couldn’t have said it better myself Alexz. I admire your strength & dignity. I also admire your love for music…my love for your music has literally saved my life. Voodoo was released in March of 2010; on April 28, 2010 (the day before my late brother’s birthday mind you) I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Rectal Cancer at the age of 26. My world collapsed – I felt so alone, lost, confused, & every other word in between. I found solace in Voodoo. While being pumped full of poison that they call chemo, I would put my headphones on and escape into the world of Voodoo. “Look At Those Eyes” became my song, it was me at the time. I know I don’t know the “industry” but I think the goal of any true artist is to have their music heard, appreciated, respected, and relatable…congratulations, because your’s does. Your music has touch my heart, it has made me smile on days where I literally didn’t have energy to move a muscle. It would make tears stream down my face when I thought I was numb to the world. It made me feel human and it made me feel alive. I’m happy to report after 10 months of chemo, radiation, & surgery, on March 08, 2011 I was officially in “remission” and I want to thank you. Thank you for being the artist that you are, thank you for not giving in to “the man”;your honest & open-hearted lyrics gave me hope at a time when I wasn’t sure if I would be here for a tom0rrow. You are an artist Alexz, keep keepin’ on. Cheers <3

    • Lisa, you said all the music and save us the strength to stand today might be my biggest airline if I just put the songs from Alexz and I feel better and like taking up the pain she is wonderful. I have had a nephew q a nodule on the head and was so hard he had only two years and by a miracle’s here and very well at the moment and if I had something to calm my heart would have easier acid …………

  41. Hey Alexz,

    Nice to read this, love to read about what you learn. I think it’s great that you started posting on youtube today, it’s a nice way to get your work to your fans :-) We’ll buy your album anyway, also if you’d post all your songs online.

    Looking forward to reading more here!

    x Tünde

  42. Oh girl, this post is amazing.
    You almost made me cry.
    The song is insanely good!!!

    Keep doing what you love, keep doing what you want. There’re some people who will always be by your side and never leave you.


    You’re great :)

  43. YOU CAN DO IT!

    I think I speak for us all when I say we will support you, no matter what. You have a unique style, an amazing voice, and tons of talent when it comes to singing, writing, and playing. We’re all behind you, rooting you on!

  44. Alexz, I can honestly tell you that I have been doing everything I can to help you. I’ve sent countless emails to the Ellen show, and I tell all my friends about you. But I don’t think that helps cause I don’t live in the US or Canada. Still, my dream is to see you live, I think you’re amazing.

    The world is unfair but please now that we still love you for you and we love Voodoo exactly as it is.

    Stay strong and don’t give up.
    Love U

      • OMG! Thank YOU for answering! OMG. That was so sweet! This is why I love you. All of us do!

        Thank you.
        This made my week!


  45. I’ve been following your music & career since So Weird & Instant Star. I absolutely loved the shows and your music in those. I had no idea you were still in the music business. I heard your old song on Pretty Little Liars and recognized the song and looked you up to see if you had anything new out. I completely missed Voodoo. I listened to it on the site, fell in love with it, and purchased it on iTunes. I have been listening to the album on repeat at work for two days now haha. I also lookd through my old “CDs” and found one of my Instant Star cds and put it on my iPod, haha. I honestly love your quirky music more than what you have done in the past, so keep on. Your sound is transforming into something beautiful. If it’s what you like, it’s what you like. I think it could actually get play on the radio, and I hope it does. Maybe it would help if you posted what radio stations have your singles and are willing to play it, so we can call the stations. I’d love to hear it on air. I too don’t really listen to the radio and prefer to find my own music and listen on my iPod because I hate alot of what is on the radio these days…but I’d listen and request your music.

    As for building a fan base, yeah it is a harder road for indie artists or any artist who doesn’t have the backing of a big label or have a chance to get play on MTV or VH1. I think playing smaller shows would be a great idea.

    Btw, your music has made it here to me in Hawaii :) You can say you have a fan here haha.

    Looking forward to Reloaded and any other new songs you plan to release :)

  46. It’s not much but my college does weekly webcasts for teaching live sound it’s all professional. They invite bands for the webcast and provide you a recording of the webcast recorded onto pro tools and the video. it streams live for the schools site. My school is in Emeryville, CA. So if you ever make plans to come out to the Bay Area just let me know. I can set it up.

  47. Alexz, you are such an inspiration to me. I cried reading your post “I Lost That War” and the “About” section – why? Because you don’t deserve the downs of the entertainment industry. You possess amazing talent and I’m so happy you share it with us. Your songs are the only ones I never skip when my iPod is on shuffle. Your music always makes my day and will continue to do so, no matter how long it takes for the next single to come out. Thank you so much for sharing your music with the world. You already are a star to me, you have been from the moment I saw you on Instant Star (I still remember the first episode I watched; you sang “Me Out Of Me”).
    I’m really looking forward to Voodoo Reloaded, thank you so much for not giving up.


  48. you have such talent! dont ever give up! seriously things in the music biz are hard but your talent will shine through! no offense to artists like lady gaga or whatever who are popular but lets be real.. they have no real talent. they are famous by luck. YOU ARE THE ONE WITH TALENT!

    • you have such talent! dont ever give up! seriously things in the music biz are hard but your talent will shine through! no offense to artists like lady gaga or whatever who are popular but lets be real.. they have no real talent. they are famous by luck. YOU ARE THE ONE WITH TALENT!

      and i find you very inspiring. this summer im gonna try and learn guitar so i can put my many half written lyrics to music and actually finish them.

      perserverence always wins!

  49. Alexz: I Lost That War blog – great song and Alexz, you do a great job at taking it all in and letting it go. So often I’ve seen singers, celebrities and such make a video in response to a fan’s comments as the singers and celebrities lash back with words and anger trying to defend themselves.

    I like you’re approach that everyone is entitle to their opinions and that’s what they are. You knew you didn’t have to defend yourself, and in my opinion – you chose the high road. Though like you said the universe needs to balance itself out.

    Now, if my San Jose Sharks could beat your Vancouver Canucks in the playoffs… :)

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